


Don't Blame Me

by GothicPixi



Series: reputation [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: I wrote these over a year ago whoops, IPRE, M/M, TAZ Balance, Taylor Swift - Freeform, davenchurch - Freeform, taz balance spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 05:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicPixi/pseuds/GothicPixi
Summary: Lord save me, my drug is my baby, I’ll be using for the rest of my life.Merle didn’t know why he felt guilty about this. Okay, he knew exactly why he felt guilty about this: Dav was the captain of their forever mission and a failed relationship within only seven people for eternity didn’t seem like a good idea. He didn’t want them to deal with what he believed was the inevitable fallout.





	Don't Blame Me

**Author's Note:**

> I challenged myself back in November of 2017 to write a one-shot for each song off of Taylor Swift's album reputation. I didn't complete that challenge, but I'm proud of the ones I wrote, so I'm finally posting them!

_ Lord save me, my drug is my baby, I’ll be using for the rest of my life. _

 

Merle didn’t know why he felt guilty about this. Okay, he knew exactly why he felt guilty about this: Dav was the captain of their forever mission and a failed relationship within only seven people for eternity didn’t seem like a good idea. He didn’t want them to deal with what he believed was the inevitable fallout. Here was useless Merle, nearly 30 cycles in, causing another distraction. He played cards with Davenport and at least he could joke that his staring was just sizing up his opponent. The other times he was caught staring...he usually found some kind of excuse that was halfway acceptable. “Making sure you’re alright, Cap’n. Did you get enough sleep last night?” Aha, something a cleric should care about! Merle tried his best.

 

_ I’ve been breaking hearts a long time, and toying with them older guys. _

 

Davenport was very distracting to Merle. Cycle 21, the beach world: Dav spent hours on the beach under an umbrella, clutching a glass of wine. Merle saw Magnus approaching the captain, they both had been watching him for some time. The dwarf couldn’t decide of all the things he made for Davenport, which one to give him. Cycle 30: Tesseralia: The people who taught him to Parley complained of a distraction in his mind. Merle hadn’t seen Davenport in weeks; He just wanted to see his face. Cycle 47, Legato Conservatory: Most of the time spent outside of dance, the dwarf spent secretly watching Davenport practice. The cadence of the gnome’s voice, that was enough even. Merle silently dedicated his final performance to him. Cycle 65, the Judges: When Davenport speaks of wrath, Merle wishes he could hold the captain. They’d had a thing for a few cycles and all the cleric wanted to do was help his boyfriend.

 

_ Something happened for the first time, in the darkest little paradise _ .

 

They’d drifted closer somehow. After Merle learned to Parley, he felt that he had a purpose. A passion he lost slowly returned. After Lup and Barry’s performance in Legato, Merle felt that he had to say something. The two designated dads of the group upgraded their relationship slowly, affectionate platonic to casually romantic. Nothing outlandish, or obscene, not for a long time. Davenport was inexperienced in love - his focus was his family during childhood, and then his education and learning to fly, and finally the IPRE. Merle had been around a little, flings and summer romances. He wasn’t used to commitment, but these yearly cycles, as unsettling as they were, added a level of stability he grew accustomed to. He kept parleys to the end of cycles, as Davenport had given him a stern lecture after two cycles of early departure. The captain got more sleep, Merle keeping him a little longer in bed just so they could hold each other. Davenport would stay with the wispy outline of Merle until he disappeared. Every new year’s day, the dwarf stood beside the captain as they flew through unfamiliar stars. The gnome couldn’t let go of the wheel, but he had to know Merle was safe.

 

_ I would cross the line. I would waste my time. I would lose my mind. _

 

But some days, Merle felt guilty. He didn’t deserve the captain. He shouldn’t be distracting the captain. The rest of the crew - his family - were surely uncomfortable. He was told hundreds of times that all of these sentiments were untrue, but that didn’t stop them in their entirety. Davenport found him during a later cycle, after the Judges, huddled in a corner of their bedroom. Since they shared a bed now, Merle’s old room became a greenhouse/storage space, piled high with memories of worlds now dust.

 

“Merle?” The man in question responded with a small grunt. “Sunshine, what’s wrong?”

 

_ I once was poison ivy, but now I’m your daisy. _

 

“It’s not much, Dav. The same old shit coming back.” Merle held himself tighter. Sometimes, he preferred not to talk about it. He felt irrational. He felt useless. He wanted to Parley immediately, just to make time skip forward to another time and place. The crew wouldn't have to deal with him then. He felt Davenport sit behind him, leaning their backs together.

 

“We’re parked in a quiet place, so I think I’ll join you for now, if that’s alright.”

 

“You deserve the rest, Dav.” Merle rocked slightly so they both moved.

 

“I could say the same to you, Mr. I’m-going-to-help-every-member-of-our-family-train- everyday-but-never-get-more-than-5-hours-of-sleep.”

 

“Ha, guess you would notice that. Pot and kettle, though, Dav.”

 

“The bed is cold without you, Merle.” Davenport let his head fall back onto Merle’s shoulder. They sat in silence, eyes shut as they listened to their hearts beat. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too. So much, Dav.”

 

_ I would fall from grace just to touch your face. _

 

They would never say their love was as strong or deep as Lup and Barry’s, but it was something. It definitely was something. It took time, after Story and Song, to remember it all. Their love wasn’t an anchor as much as it was a daily promise. They were so used to it, back then, that there were no strong details to pick back up at first. Their relationship was..normal, routine. It wasn’t spectacular, or gaudy, or legendary, or dramatic. They were old men who loved each other simply. But it wasn’t a weak feeling - quite the opposite. 

 

The break from that quaint normalcy left them with eleven years of unease. Merle felt like he couldn’t give his whole self to Hecuba. Something inside him was hollow, the space beside him was cold. Davenport would have said he felt empty, if he could have communicated. Sometimes, when he was trying to fall asleep, his mind got upset and worried when he realized he was alone in bed. He thought he felt rough hands on his arm sometimes and it always calmed him down. When Merle felt the tiny hands of Mavis on his back, his heart filled with something he didn’t remember. It was a memory that didn’t want to reappear - his mind filled with static and he read to his step-daughter like he was supposed to.

 

When they remembered, hours after they were inoculated again, they didn’t know what to do. How can they return to that routine? Merle would do anything for Davenport, now that his mind and heart were returned. This time, he wasn’t guilty. How could he be? He was the luckiest dwarf alive. He felt Dav’s lips on his, like it was yesterday, and smiled.


End file.
